I'm alive. I'm fully functional. Whereabouts uncertain, but I'm apparently on a small, barely inhabited island in the South Pacific. They do know how to prepare a nice rum drink, though, and, much to my surprise, they've got a wonderfully quaint but perfectly serviceable 500TB cross-attuning hyper-relay that I suspect they use to steal HBO. Consequently, I've decided to set up a base of operations here; besides, if I don't know exactly where I am, neither do our enemies.
I'll set off a beacon when the time is right. You'll know the time is right when I fire the death ray. You'll know when I fire the death ray when something big but otherwise useless -- like South Dakota -- disintegrates. Check your core-refractive analyzer for the most expedient way to reach me.