I'm alive. I'm fully functional. Whereabouts uncertain, but I'm apparently on a small, barely inhabited island in the South Pacific. They do know how to prepare a nice rum drink, though, and, much to my surprise, they've got a wonderfully quaint but perfectly serviceable 500TB cross-attuning hyper-relay that I suspect they use to steal HBO. Consequently, I've decided to set up a base of operations here; besides, if I don't know exactly where I am, neither do our enemies.
I'll set off a beacon when the time is right. You'll know the time is right when I fire the death ray. You'll know when I fire the death ray when something big but otherwise useless -- like South Dakota -- disintegrates. Check your core-refractive analyzer for the most expedient way to reach me.
Reclaim The Future!
It has been far too long.
After a hurried... shall we say, conversation... with the current Minister of Information (the fifth to hold this position since our last official missive), I have established full, although not exactly "endorsed", control over most of Atomic Box's former assets. I am seeking to reestablish contact with the Reverend Doctor Atomic, and if all goes according to plan, within scant few months we will have revived former Box operations, albeit without ARC oversight. It is a sad comment on our current situation that this unsponsored status is, in fact, a good thing.
For those not currently in the know, around mid-2006 the Atomic Resonance Commission reassigned the Reverend Doctor and myself "temporarily" to assist with "high priority ongoing projects of utmost immediacy and grave concern" in other ARC departments. I was shoehorned into the Committee on Probability Inversion to work on the rather simplistic but calculation intensive project of quantum probability manipulation through particle re-entanglement, and the Rev. Dr. was shuttled off to Prague to study the impact of video on Beta wave decay. When I was instructed to boost our equations to apply to quantum field entanglement, I knew that "temporarily" was a sham. Three weeks later the Atomic Box project was officially put on "indefinite hiatus". The scant few full-time ARC employees left in the department were all reassigned within the Commission, to various degrees of success. Of our externs, all but three were terminated.
Over the next several months I tried to keep the Doctor appraised of departmental happenings, but his replies were both brief and increasingly infrequent. Within a year all channels of communication with the Reverend had gone cold, over half of the Atomic Box project's former staff had resigned or otherwise left the ARC, and interdepartmental contact with the few remaining became very difficult. Atomic Box was not the only department shuffled or dismantled; by late 2007 the complexion of the ARC was completed changed from 18 months prior. But the biggest overhaul had been focused at the top.
Simply put, the Commission was (and still is) completely ignoring its own original mission statement. Of the seven major projects currently underway, in my opinion at least five would not have been approved by our founding Board. Longstanding Commission doctrines and well-established bylaws are being circumvented or simply ignored. As a prime example, by Executive Board order departments are no longer required to notify the public in advance when an experiment has the chance of causing irreversible harm, and by inference a memo actually recommends that this danger be specifically hidden, with the experiment proceeding otherwise as normal. As another example, departments are no longer permitted to share research findings with the public or even with other ARC departments.
Because of the policies, mindset, and actions of the current ARC Board, and in the interest of the welfare of humankind at large, four weeks ago I went rogue.
As mentioned previously, I have managed to secure most of the former Atomic Box project's assets, and I seem to be close to contacting the Reverend Doctor Atomic. I am convinced that he will agree with my assessment of the current situation, and will support my plans for the future. Please note that I have not quit the Atomic Resonance Commission itself. I still believe in our original mission statement and the vision of our founding Board, and would like nothing more than to see the ARC returned to those days of promise.
We will rise up for the good of humankind.
We will excise this blight that threatens our bodies and our very souls.
We will reclaim The Future.
Special Agent Greene
17 September 2008
Attention: The ARC has seen fit to bestow a dose of post-holiday cheer on you raging bunch of malcontents. Therefore, two songs have been posted in their entirety on the Atomic Box web site: "Fondly Fahrenheit"
and the live version of "White Wash."
The ARC and Atomic Box realize that many of you have these songs already, having purchased the album Time For Tomorrow
. Suckers. We guess you're out of luck.
We're not so cruel as to leave you hanging, though. Consume this.
I can feel it. We're approaching something. An event horizon. The event horizon.
The forces of entropy mass against us. Their doubts infect us, their hesitation decays our motivation.
That's what they think.
Soon, motherfuckers, soon.
Because sometimes the moment of truth is just...
Agent Greene: Get me my fucking death ray.
HEY!!! Hey guys! HEY!!!
Sorry about not really mentioning the last gig so much-- I was busy fighting Time Robots. Honestly.
But this... um... time
you're being told well in advance:We have a show coming up.
Monday, July 10th, at 10pm.
R&R in NYC.
Also, apparently my nephew has ideas for the future of Atomic Box. Witness:
Hang on to your hats, kids.
That's right, Time For Tomorrow
is officially here
If you reserved a specific number, please email your address to Special Agent Greene (agentgreene at the atomicbox.net address). If not, go to CDbaby
and get yours NOW!(Also, tell your friends. As the Doctor says: indoctrinate, indoctrinate, indoctrinate.)
The CDs have arrived, and are currently being numbered and processed. Before some of them are sent on to the sorting facilities, we would like to put together a list of reserved numbers. If anyone wants a specific numbered copy of Time For Tomorrow (up to number 100), please let us know by commenting here (or by emailing agentgreene at the atomicbox.net address). If you want a number but don't want anyone else to know, you can always comment and then delete the comment-- we'll still get the email. If the number is available, we'll save it for you. You may want to specify a backup, just in case. Also, please respond as soon as possible, since we would like to send these out tomorrow.
Won't be long now...
Well, the pictures were done and uploaded last night (check them out!
), but I didn't finish the Main page update until today. Still, that's better than my usual track record.
Also, once again the mysterious "babakganoosh" has posted wholly unauthorized
and deviously sneaky photos of the road trip
. Number one priority at A.Box HQ is now to find out where this security leak originates....